Fail

So yesterday, there was no classes at all so i hung around not doing much, i did manage to make a fair amount of money, but it was spent on ninja tools. 

So later on i had to go to german club because i had missed too many classes with Dr. Johnson. There was this cute guy there, of course i was dressed crappily because i didnt expect to see anyone or actually interact with anyone when i left the house. But i sat there and tried to follow chemda's advice and stare at him 2 seconds too long to try to get someone's attention, but i was unsucessful because i think he might have been looking at me when i was not looking at him and vice versa.  i told jessica she had free reign on whatever she wanted to say and however she wanted to handle the situation. i have fear.... she seemed overly excited about it. 

later on in limbus, i was so excited at the event i completely i had the wrong sub job... and my mijin gakure timer wasnt ready when we needed it. 

I dont love you

today was weird, i really should get out of bed on time, but i have no idea whats keeping me in bed. i missed german class again, i should feel bad, but i dont... i feel bad that i dont feel bad.

after going to set up an appointment with krug for wednesday morning, i ran into carton... he ambushed me. i wanted to tell him several things, but all i could get out was that i didnt have time to do the stuff required and wouldnt be able to finish it and decided not to finish it. 

i dont know if its been all of these things that have occurred in my life this past year and some deeper issue as a result of those things, but i find myself becoming more selfish and apathetic everyday. it really is becomming harder and harder for me to care about other people in a deep and meaningful way. i try because i should care about people, and i cant expect people who are capable of caring about other people to care about me if i dont attempt to give a damn. but deep down i dont, and i dont know if i should feel bad about it, but thats the way i really feel. to sum it up:

i feel bad that i dont care about not caring.

maybe, after all thats happened this past year, maybe i should be a little selfish. Bad things happened to me and i went out of my way often (and still do) went out of my way to help people. 

recently its been feeling like i have been shat on by all of my friends (maybe like 80%) i could call people out on here, but i dont want to pull an Emmy and be like that. maybe thats a source of my apathy.  right at this moment im getting upset about all the people im "angry" about especially the feud..... im upset at him for fucking everything up and forcing a massive unwanted change.

i miss kag

good night

No clever title

im drunk... pre-gameing for tomorrow.... happy birthday me.. 

the three of us put KATG sticker around campus 

happy birthday me!

I had a clever title, but i forgotted it

SO~~~~ instead of normal format of a day by day deal, since its been SO~~~ long since the last update here is the general lowdown

saturday and sunday i spent all my time working on this proposal and it turned out on monday that it was all for nothing so i suck it up and work my ass off on tuesday to get things fixed, but its still no good.  ive talked about it so much with my mom and other various people so i dont feel like i need to repeate it AGAIN here. 

i do find it funny that i actually fell asleep in the middle of a sentance i was writting for Krug's class.... it was about 3AM before i fell asleep...

Friday is my birthday and i have Xarcarbard Dynamis tonight, so hopefull i wont die too much (knock on wood) and i might actually get something. 

i want the new lily allen CD and the rest of the madonna concert DVDs that exist. 

Red and White, and Blue all over

THURSDAY

I got my car back and a new power cord for my computer. 

Later on in limbus we attempted to fight omega, but i think we were trying to do something new, but either way it didnt go over so well....i managed to get a mijin gakure off before he came to rape me as his final vitcim. 

FRIDAY

nothing much happened, spent most of the day in class and talking with french people in french. went and had dinner with Cameron and Hg. Hassan was there also, i think he is taking Vasilly's place in the person i just make fun of and mess around with on purpose. i havent given anyone a hard time and been silly with in a while. 

SATURDAY

spent around 5 hours in the library working on this application for the internship in france. got the lecture outline completed, and wrote a super good letter of introduction. later on i had a good party with Rezz, we killed crabs in kuftal. im refusing colibri until i break the mythic... ill break it solo if i have to and by then ill have some pretty sweet merits on ninja...

Wanted to hang out with justin, but he informed me he wasnt feeling well. he sounded depressed. he then informed me of wha'ha'happem... so i didnt see much of bess or justin at all... i hope they feel better soon

P.S. LAdy GaGa scares me with her fashion, but the songs she puts out are wonderous

NOT AVAILABLE IN ALL COUNTRIES

MONDAY!

Met with my professor, turns out my internship is due next wednesday. Had to start a lot of things and get the wheel moving on a lot of stuff. Spent a long while killing colibri with a bunch of people from the LS and of course Folken had to invite the Feude. Overall it went well, got about 36K xp. The Feude didnt get pissy till the end, i was highly suprised. 

TUESDAY

Nothing happened till the last minute. 

Spent a few hours in a volcano, digging for gold, but didnt find any. Finally figured out where all the good spots were to mine for fish/gold

Was going to chill with Rezz and people and get the last 10K i needed to become level 75.

UNFORTUNATELY!

Rocco decided the power cord to my computer was yummy deliscious. i flipped my shit like never before (not really, but i was super mad) i was so stressed out with having the entire project for my internship coming up + my car is in the shop + now this + i know money isnt coming in so well... also i realized that i still am upset about a lot of things (AKA depressed out my wazoo) and my mom pointed out that i might be repessing things and having it cause me serious anger issues. 

WEDNESDAY

Woke up kate i think i needed the sleep. I called the Board of Education to see if it were possible for me to gain access to a cop of the High School Exit Exam. 

Tomorrow im going to ask the french girl what she wants to hear about to make the planning for the internship more easier. 

Dynamis is weird to get back into after all this time, but hopefully i wont be main healing a bunch of monks for forever and a half. Damn, i joined right when they are going to try to focus on beating the Dynamis Lord ... here we go again... just my luck.. oh well...

one out of four trial runs completed...

Hung Up and Over

SATURDAY

Not much happened, went putt putt and had tons of fun. 

i cannot be trusted with money, i spend it way to much, i dont see how the econmy is failing

Now, i dont usually call people out on being douche bags, well not by name and specifically

this time will be an exception

FEMMI iS A GIANT D-BAG

Along with being a whiny little bitch about being in/not in a relationship with christina

(he isnt but acts like he is) he managed to wake me up after i had passed out black cold after having played circle of death for an hour or two. Hypnotiq is the devil in disguise. 

i dont normally like being woken up, and i wouldnt have minded spending the night on holley's couch. D-Bag woke me up because he is a douche. 

I'm just done with him.

SUNDAY

been so hung over. my voice has been deep and scratchy all day. got to hang out with stephan for a little bit. we made fun of the 80's

barelt got other stuff done....

FUNKY TECHNO REMIX

THURSDAY

All went fine, especially since me and the feud got stuck in the same group, but this proved we can still be professional when needed. i wasnt petty and i didnt refuse to heal him, i was just not to overly excited to keep him alive. The run went good, i nearly shat my pants when i saw the wyrm. it was tits mc gee cold, so again i got nothing much done

FRIDAY

Nothing ever goes how you want it, and things and plans always will get messed up is the lesson for today...

Today was filled with stress....

Forgot to take my 24 hour insulin last night so all day today i had to closely monitor my blood sugar levels. Had to rush to get to the library on time after forgetting items at my house. Lent Bess my car, and after class i needed to run some errands. Unfortunately, its been over due for time for something to break on my car. i was just getting to be comfortable with nothing going wrong. 

The car decided to be greedy and not release the key. so its going to be over 100$ to fix. 

Brandee and i had dinner with my parents and my mom's friend Marsha who she hasnt seen in years ended up having dinner with us. I love her, she is a trip. she is the most energetic and spontainous person i know and i love being around her. i am glad my mom is hanging out with her again. After my 2nd badly needed glass of wine Brandee and i returned home. I managed to stave off the immense sleepyness that comes with me + wine.

Hopefully i'll be level 74 before i pass out.... this morning i missed like 6 invites cuz i fell back asleep for a few hours after i had turned the game on...

Need to find a way to get rocco to the vet on monday at 4...

And a way to get myself some food

Human Nature

TUESDAY

Pretty much how i felt all day.

Trying to put things behind me and move on. Then this song came on my iPod..


Express yourself, Don't repress yourself.
Express yourself, Don't repress yourself.
Express yourself, Don't repress yourself.
Express yourself, Don't repress yourself.

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]

Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

[I'm not apologizing]

[Would it sound better if I were a man?]

[You're the one with the problem]

[Why don't you just deal with it]

[Would you like me better if I was?]

[We all feel the same way]

[I have no regrets]

[Just look in the mirror]

[I don't have to justify anything]

[I'm just like you]

[Why should I be?]

[Deal with it]

Then i recieved a disturbing message, after i had finally unwinded from the day. i went into hulk mode (putting it lightly) At the end of the exchange of texts i felt ready to fight; physically and with words. The scene in The Dark Knight where the joker is standing in the road taunting Batman...thats how i felt at the end.. wanting more.. to end this silly feud, the outcome no longer matters, as long as its over.

WEDNESDAY!

After breaking things and smashing objects last night and basically going crazy and putting things out to pasture, i felt oddly at peace. yet i had a sence of impending doom all day. Not much happened..

It was cold as shit so that means i didnt get my beloved morning shower today for fear of my ears freezing and causing great pain. i cant wait till summer. While sitting in my german class at 9 AM looking like a hot mess with a shirt 2 sweaters and a 10 pound leather and wool coat from the GAP as well as my pajamas i managed to squeeze under a pair of jeans, and 3 layers of socks..... its 34 out and i dont handle the cold... plus there is so much humidity here it feels like the artic. Good news is no german class on friday because the class as a whole got over 90% on the test on monday (i got 87%) [its a B, but its not good enough, must do better next time]

tomorrow must be productive because i got nothing done....
Thursday is my favorite guest of KATG.com Patrice's Birthday... i cant REALLY donate, so im going to click on her ads on her site HELLANDHEARTACHES.COM for an hour or two...
this blog's title is a link! so click and help a sistah out!

word.

I SAID GOOD DAY SIR

woke up to a TRIPPLE negative.... "i dont give no fuck no more"

so i replied "ill only accept an apology over the phone"

so my day was shitty all day

german test and my nose was running all throught that and i couldnt concentrate

for my french class i grabbed the wrong bag and ended up with my german notes

bitch of a international studies dumbass class teaher THING gave me a 0 for last weeks work, i think that makes 3 zeros (if only it were money)

it rained as i walked home in the cold

i thought things were looking up but as the theme of the day!::::

my phone rings

"hello!!"

"i didnt call to apologize"

*click*

ooh, i start to shake from anger/adrenaline (i love the rush honestly)

Phone rings again

"Would you like to try again ?"

"i said i am not going to apologize" (i think his tone was angry but trying to remain calm)

"well then ( i cut him off.. im putting my foot down on this one) we have nothing to talk about"

*click*

Dogs that Shoot Bees

SATURDAY

Nothing happened......

i had my friend jo chen over for lunch and then we studied for our german test

when i loged on no one else was on at all till like 9, i hate days like that

SUNDAY

after putting off going to sandy for a whole 3 days just to get four i managed to drag myself there, and make pie dough for my hedgehog pie scheme to make money

i got a short xp party with kinok, he hooked me up (love the guy)

So..................................... the night ended badly

apparently kag is still pms-ing about some other stuff

kinok isnt responding to him and some other stuff, thats their business...

dont get angry with me when i take

like 3-6 min to reply

like you never take forever and a half to reply to me

at least im trying to still talk to you on yahoo

there are other people who are pissing me off tonight, but i already made a post on the forums about that.

seriously

if you would have said "we are doing missions tonight, you dont remember ?"

in a nice way or some other kind of way thats NOT PISSY AS FUCKING HELL!?!?!? i would have been cool with it, and i would have even showed up even though i have stuff i need to do....

they say: you get more bees with honey than vinager

with me, if you use vinager ill send the dogs that bark and shoot bees at you

just something for people to think about